Oldest Child
I am home alone. My aunt calls and I pick up the phone. She immediately asks me where my mother is. I quickly respond with authority in my voice, “I am home alone, what can I do for you?” She seems alarmed at my casual remark, yet in my 4-year-old wisdom, I couldn’t understand why she sounded concerned.
My three-year-old cousin jumps off the diving board at the deep end of the pool. All the adults are talking and drinking lemonade after playing hours of tennis. Why am I the only one watching him? Can he even swim yet? I turn to my uncle and say, “Umm, is Shaun supposed to be going off the diving board…?” My uncle dives into the pool dressed in his newly purchased tennis outfit.
We are on our annual family vacation at the shore. Everyone has just returned to the beach after lunch. The children run straight to the water, while the adults take their chairs in the sun. No one but me observes my 6-year-old cousin Jake grab a boogie board and paddle out into the ocean. As soon as I realize that he is out past the breakers and still going, I run to my uncle and blurt in a frustrated manner, “Is ANYONE aware that Jake is in the middle of the ocean!?”
“Ok does everyone remember the plan…? As soon as we get in, we buy our merch first before people crowd the tables. Then we all go to the bathroom, so we don’t have to try to get out of the pit halfway through a set. Stick together and don’t let the freaky people creep you out. Everyone got it?”
My parents are leaving town for the night on a last minute business trip for my dad’s company. My mom asks me in an unsure tone if she can trust me to watch the house and my brother for an entire night. I respond as I imagine any oppressed teenager would with a classic “yeeeessss mooommmm” and she doesn’t press the issue. It is too late for her to find an alternative at this point, and besides, I am 16-years-old.
I am home alone. My aunt calls and I pick up the phone. She immediately asks me where my mother is. I quickly respond with authority in my voice, “I am home alone, what can I do for you?” She seems alarmed at my casual remark, yet in my 4-year-old wisdom, I couldn’t understand why she sounded concerned.
My three-year-old cousin jumps off the diving board at the deep end of the pool. All the adults are talking and drinking lemonade after playing hours of tennis. Why am I the only one watching him? Can he even swim yet? I turn to my uncle and say, “Umm, is Shaun supposed to be going off the diving board…?” My uncle dives into the pool dressed in his newly purchased tennis outfit.
We are on our annual family vacation at the shore. Everyone has just returned to the beach after lunch. The children run straight to the water, while the adults take their chairs in the sun. No one but me observes my 6-year-old cousin Jake grab a boogie board and paddle out into the ocean. As soon as I realize that he is out past the breakers and still going, I run to my uncle and blurt in a frustrated manner, “Is ANYONE aware that Jake is in the middle of the ocean!?”
“Ok does everyone remember the plan…? As soon as we get in, we buy our merch first before people crowd the tables. Then we all go to the bathroom, so we don’t have to try to get out of the pit halfway through a set. Stick together and don’t let the freaky people creep you out. Everyone got it?”
My parents are leaving town for the night on a last minute business trip for my dad’s company. My mom asks me in an unsure tone if she can trust me to watch the house and my brother for an entire night. I respond as I imagine any oppressed teenager would with a classic “yeeeessss mooommmm” and she doesn’t press the issue. It is too late for her to find an alternative at this point, and besides, I am 16-years-old.
This is great. I love the progression of your story - you have a great series of events. I am not crazy about the 4th paragraph though - it feels out of line with the rest of the essay. Other than editing that to be a different story - or just getting rid of it... the story is great!
ReplyDeletedunk, this is great! i think the thread is good and you could write a lot. that being said, the 3rd paragraph, i would like to know more about where you are and who you're with so that i know who your taking responsibility for. For the last paragraph i think its a good little story but maybe make it more about how your taking care of your brother cause in all the other ones your taking care of your younger siblings or cousins. thats just a suggestion tho, idk how well that work, but maybe make the transition from the 3rd to the 4th paragraph smoother. great story, i love how you mention your ages at each point too!
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